Throuples: The Good & The Bad, w/Dr. Rachael Meir

Today we go deep on throuples—what makes a three-person relationship (triad) work in real life. Our guest is Dr. Rachael Meir, a Stanford-trained psychologist, sex & relationship coach, author of 50 Questions to Ask Before Opening Your Relationship, and host of retreats designed specifically for throuples.

In this episode (throuple-forward):

• Shapes of throuples: V vs. closed triad, the “everyone dates everyone” myth, and why symmetry isn’t the only path to stability.

• Avoiding triangles (the bad kind): How to reduce coalitions, secret alliances, and “two against one” dynamics with simple, predictable check-ins.

• Jealousy in 3s: Why jealousy feels different in a triad, Dr. Meir’s “dashboard warning light” frame, and how to respond without spiraling.

• Differentiation = less codependence: Staying three whole people (not one fused blob) actually strengthens the connection between all of you.

• Logistics that keep love humane: Calendars, re-entry rituals, and short “state-of-us” huddles so no one becomes the project manager (or the parent).

• Ethics & invitations: Power imbalances, “unicorn hunting,” and creating consent that’s real for all three partners—not just the original pair.

• Retreat lessons: What Dr. Meir sees thriving throuples do differently (language, expectations, and how they handle NRE without breaking the triangle).

Plus, we pull 5 key prompts from Dr. Meir’s book to ground any non-monogamy journey:

• What desires/needs do I believe non-monogamy could fulfill (for me, not just my partner)?

• Do I have enough self-esteem to stay out of comparison traps?

• Are we differentiated—two/three whole people with overlap—rather than merged?

• Are we opening to fill a void/fix a problem (and what would repair look like first)?

• What small agreements would make us feel safer without turning into surveillance?

Big takeaways you can use tonight

• Trade control for clarity: one short weekly check-in beats constant play-by-play.

• Re-entry rituals after solo or third-partner time keep connection warm and resentment low.

• In triads, fairness ≠ sameness—aim for dignity for all three, not equal minutes.

Find Dr. Meir: https://www.drrachaelmeir.com/

Naughty Gym: https://www.naughtygym.com/