Jealousy in Non-Monogamy: Invisible Contracts & Unspoken Expectations

What happens when you really click with another person or couple, maybe even have great sex, and then find yourself hurt or jealous when they connect with someone else?

In Episode 83, April and Scott talk about the invisible agreements we sometimes create in non-monogamy without ever discussing them.

Maybe you’ve played together before and assumed it would happen again. Maybe you went to an event together expecting to spend the night together. Maybe you felt close to someone and were surprised by your jealousy when they met someone new. Problems can arise when those assumptions affect how we treat someone who never knew we had them.

We also explore how differently people experience sexual desire. Attraction, chemistry, and opportunity may lead one person toward sex, while someone else can enjoy the same chemistry without wanting to take it further. Previous sex doesn’t guarantee future sex.

We talk about what happens when disappointment creates pressure, why someone else shouldn’t have to manage our reaction to hearing no, and how this can affect consent. April also shares how fear of disappointing people influenced some of her own choices in the past.

Plus, we get into jealousy between friends and play partners, compersion, autonomy, community, and why communicating our hopes can prevent unspoken expectations from creating hurt feelings.

Want more of our deeper conversations? Join us on Patreon:

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WILD LOVE THEORY BOOK LAUNCH

Minneapolis, MN | September 4–7, 2026

https://www.naughtygym.com/wildlovetheorybooklaunch

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https://www.couplesnextdoor.com/

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We are not relationship experts or professionals if you want to talk to a professional ENM relationship therapist or coach, check out Expansive Connection Coaching.

www.expansiveconnection.com/ENM

Thanks for listening to The Naughty Gym Show, soon to be AYA Society.

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