The Non-Monogamy Check-In

What if the real question isn’t, “Why can’t I handle non-monogamy?” but instead, “What else am I already carrying?”

In this episode, Scott and April get unusually personal about something that has quietly affected their own non-monogamous relationship for years: capacity.

Non-monogamy can be emotionally demanding. And when one partner is already overwhelmed by work, family, stress, responsibility, or an unequal relational load, there may simply not be much capacity left for jealousy, uncertainty, sexual exploration, or navigating new boundaries.

But the conversation goes even deeper.

Scott and April unpack a recurring communication pattern between them. Before entering a non-monogamous environment, Scott would ask some version of, “What are you comfortable with?” His intention was to avoid assumptions and protect the relationship.

April heard something very different.

To her, the question felt like she was being handed responsibility for deciding what Scott could or couldn’t do—and then being forced to choose between two terrible options: say yes and potentially override herself, or say no and feel responsible for disappointing him.

The breakthrough came when they realized April wasn’t asking Scott to read her mind.

She was asking for evidence that he had been paying attention.

Instead of, “Where are you?” the better question became something closer to:

“Here’s where I think we are. Here’s what I see you carrying. Here’s what I think our capacity looks like right now. How does that feel to you?”

It’s a conversation about non-monogamy, but it’s also about something much bigger: attunement, invisible labor, emotional responsibility, communication, and the difference between asking your partner to give you the answer and showing them that you’re already standing beside them trying to understand it.

If you’ve ever wondered why something that once felt exciting suddenly feels exhausting, this episode may help you understand why.

STATE OF US WEEKLY RELATIONSHIP CHECK-IN DOCUMENThttps://drive.google.com/drive/folders/13BL0kmbDBMEt4MwvC8MwVLh6Za0tqG3M?usp=sharing

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